It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
