I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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