just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
