I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
