i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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