I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
