i would punch a child for taco bell
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
