OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
