Don't make out with my wife yet
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
