i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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