dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
