That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You're breaking my sexual little heart
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
