so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
