Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
