he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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