I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
