Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
