I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You did what with his pubic hair?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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