Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I will be naked everywhere
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
