I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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