i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
