I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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