In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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