so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
