then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
should my penis look like a turkey
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
