that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
