when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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