im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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