How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
