Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
