I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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