i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
