He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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