obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
