This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
