Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
