Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
