he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
