I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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