You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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