Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
