I'm pants shitting drunk right now
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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