Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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