the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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