I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize