what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
