So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Let's get the cat blown out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
