I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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