Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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