Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
