I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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