i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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