I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
