One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
