I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
