The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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