Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
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she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
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I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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