i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
