wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
