Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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