Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
