i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
