Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
