cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The ass gains better be worth it
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