If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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