Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
