I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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