I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
not ubering you a puppy
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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