He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"