our cab driver is having phone sex.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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